I started this to say the things I didn't want to say in public due to them just being a little too ragey. It was a place to vent and maybe to talk about other things I liked. The latter hasn't happened but the good news is not much has triggered the former recently. The only problem now is one of me being angry at myself. Kind of. Its complicated and I'm just posting it here because every time I manage to articulate it coherently to myself I lose the words by the time I'm talking to another person.

Here goes. I stress about far too much, I'm working on it, not that efficiently but I think I'm improving. The problem I'm seeing now is that it isn't the situations I'm in that are stressing me (mostly), the problem is internal with me stressing for a few reasons about things I can't control then stressing because I stress which ends up just causing feedback. Being aware of it doesn't seem to stop because its the awareness that causes the feedback but I need to stop reacting to it the way I do. I'm used to running, I ran from bullies in primary school, ran to a different secondary school then kept running from another lot. I'd like to say I've stopped now and it's true that I'm not running from people anymore at least. What I'm doing now is projecting the stress inside my head onto whatever's around me and running from that. I'm trying to run from the inside of my head with all the pointlessness that implies. I have no idea if I'll keep to this next time I have a chance but for now I'm resolving that the next time I feel stressed I'm just going to ignore it and keep on going. Theres no point in running, all it does is add to the list of things I regret. So yeah, I'm not running anymore and my hindbrain is just going have to sit down and accept it. Right, I think thats about it, it looks vaguely coherent and for now I feel better for putting this out there. I guess that'll do.

National tapeworm day
I haven't posted for a while, I've been feeling oddly well balanced  with a hint of futility after reading Richard Morgan books (I feel like everything has been said).  Today however my rage has returned, after I heard the nth person praising the idea of a royal bank holiday (I forget the exact term as I'm boycotting awareness of the event). Now every time I get into a debate about the merits of royalty the same things come up - they bring in more money by tourism than they take and they free up the government to run the country rather than attend events - personally I feel that theres no way to accurately determine if we would make more of a profit from having a "this is where the royalty used to be" tourist attraction but its possible. Also I'd rather not have Philip as half of the face of the nation (why is it a good idea to give the government time to run things?) and I think we could just appoint someone to the position of diplomatic greeter, head of ceremonies etc. and pay a fraction of what the royals cost us (I don't care if we technically don't "pay" them it's money that would otherwise be public money that sustains them). I think these are valid points, not to mention the fact that France and Germany get on fine without royalty (Germany is currently the strongest economy in Europe so they definitely don't help us that much).

Anyway, I thought for a while and realised that the most basic, fundamental reason I have to oppose the institution of royalty in this country is this - they represent control. I know they have no power now and that's reassuring, but the fact is the royal dynasty ruled this country with near absolute power for centuries. They are still here now because they were here before and we haven't ever abolished the royalty because ... why? Is it tradition? We've changed enough of them, the royals don't hold their traditional position any more, they've been moved with the times and found a new niche to be slightly useful in, no matter that there are more efficient alternatives. Theres no tradition in keeping them around but I've found a huge groundswell of patriotism whenever they are mentioned in the news. Theres no reason for this - they represent a period of political repression and class division that Kim Jong-un would be proud of but for some reason almost everyone LIKES them. I feel like I'm Vimes in Pratchett's Guards! Guards!, people shut down their brains when they talk about the royalty and theres only one reason I've been able to think of for this. Deep down people like what they represent. We don't want to go back to it but its comforting to imagine theres someone out there who knows better, who can tell us what to do and free us from the tyranny of thought. We have our freedom but we hide from it and pretend to ouselves that we're still controlled because it's FAMILIAR. Well I say to hell with that and I would like to invite my theoretical readership (this is the internet so someone may read this) to join me on the 5th of June to celebrate national tapeworm day, a celebration of a brilliantly well evolved parasite in order that we may become better equipped to recognise the symptoms of such a disease.

The end of intelligence on Earth
Just read this - - Short version is there may have been a meteorite that passed over Britain last night. An astronomer reports that "I was getting questions about what it is and is it going to end life on Earth?" Now I get that films like Armageddon have shown us rocks killing us and the popular concept of asteroid driven extinction is well seated in peoples minds, but if you see a large shooting star you should not think the world is ending. The movie extinction asteroids are huge - they would be far more noticeable. In real life you wouldn't have time to notice (An asteroid of sufficient mass would enter the atmosphere and impact the ground in under 2 seconds). I really worry about us when anything unusual leads to mass cries of "The sky is falling!" At this rate we won't need an asteroid or a volcanic event, just something sparkly enough to make us kill ourselves in the headless chicken rush.

Altered Carbon & Quell
I just finished reading Altered Carbon by Richard Morgan, its a good book, not overly complicated and its only a detective story in the way that Sherlock Holmes is. (The reader is never given the same information as the detective so you can't solve the mystery ahead of the book, I have nothing against this as a literary device, just problems with it being considered to be a device acceptable in mystery stories.) It's well written, entertaining and I'm definitely going to get the next one in the series, I'd advise anyone else to read this and if not this then wiki Quellcrist Falconer and read the quotes. Quotes from quell are scattered through the book, adding flavour to the world like the bene-gesserit and fremen sayings in Dune. Theres the occasional poem but they're mostly a mixture of philosophical and political advice most of which I consider to be applicable to todays world. Altered Carbon is a great book and it could exist without Quell in it, but although I can't see the plot suffering, part of what makes the world seem tangible to me would be gone. Also I would never have read this. "When they ask how I died, tell them: still angry" 

Funny conspiracies
Just had an entertaining planetary geology lecture. Skipping over the part when my lecturer accurately described the "moon landing was a hoax" theory as - quoting verbatim here - "bullshit", I learned 2 entertaining facts. 1 - there are people who take the moon's low density - due to the small iron core - as proof that the moon is hollow and therefore artificial. People need to watch less Star Wars. 2 - There are people who think that sending the plaque describing Earth on the Voyager probe was a mistake as an alien species could find the probe and having ruined their planet, come to take ours. First, in the time it would take them to get here we will probably go extinct (asteroid etc), second in the time it would take them to get here our planet will probably be worse than the on they left. Third, I think the word "projecting" applies here.

I had a really interesting Geology lecture today on mineral extraction. Specifically gold. We went on to uses of it, 51% of all gold mined is in the form of jewelery, and 39% is stuck in bank vaults as we're still partly on the gold standard. Does this seem wrong to anyone else? We destroy ecosystems and spend millions to dig this metal out of the ground then use 90% of it in useless ways! If you want to wear jewelery fine but the only real reason gold is the thing to have is that we say it is. Stainless steel is harder and also doesn't corrode, wear that instead, you can alloy it for colours.As for the investment again, there is no actual value intrinsic to gold! We say it is important and so we pollute to get it only to bury it again! What is the point of this? I mean fine if it was 20% of all gold in investment or jewelery and 80% as electronics then I could take it but 90%? Why?
I think we should switch to the wilderness standard. Banks never release the gold in the vaults so why not use a different way of storing it? Buy wilderness areas or SSSIs and simply leave them be. The minerals under the land or real estate value of the land make it valuable and interest can be gained from car parks for walkers and climbers. Why has nobody done this?

(no subject)
This is probably the only time I'll ever do this and I'm doing it this time because I'm happy I got the account. Here goes.



Sorry couldn't resist. I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to be posting really, probably a mixture of
me talking about what I'm playing,watching and making and me yelling at stupid things I found on the news. I'm setting this up as it feels better than a diary, given the population somebody will probably read this and I feel better for knowing it. If thats you then hi, if its not then I'm really quite puzzled as to how anything I say now will affect you.
I have something to do now but I'll be back later with more randomness and I'll try to pretend I'm not talking to myself.


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